Wednesday, March 30, 2016

WTF, DC!?!: Batman V Superman Spoiler Filled Discussion!

Batman V Superman, (directed) by Zack Snyder.

It's time for the spoiler filled discussion! I know you've all been anxiously awaiting the arrival of this post so you can hear all my opinions (like usual)! And I'm not one to disappoint!

Sometimes. Sometimes I don't disappoint.

Anyway, this time, I don't disappoint!

So, in case the title didn't warn you enough, we're discussing the movie. Spoilers will be around.

Lots of spoilers.


Spoilers about Batman V Superman.

Get out while you can.


Spoiler time!

Just like my spoiler-free review, I want to start with what I liked. Batman was mostly pretty compelling. I like his sleuthing, and his ability to read situations well. That felt true. And based on the fact that this Batman is 20 years into his career, it makes sense that he's in a bit of a dark place.

I actually want to take issue with people I've seen on comment threads claiming he killed 20 people in the movie. I'm assuming they're referring to the 20 guards protecting Martha Kent. But I don't recall being sure if any of those guards were dead. Incapacitated? Sure. Maimed? Possibly brutally. But I don't think any of them were dead. And if you look what is probably the most relevant source material, The Dark Knight Returns, that's fairly accurate. Batman cripples plenty of people in that, and I think he may even kill some (I won't spoil that story though, if you haven't read or seen it. I highly recommend it!).

Bitch, please [3]

Superman, for all his faults, had a few good scenes too. I liked his devotion to stopping Batman. That felt fairly good. And even in the climax, he arrived at the fight telling Bruce what was up, hoping to get help. Batman wasn't having any of it, and Superman took 2 solid trap hits before he says "No more mister nice guy". I think that was some good Superman shit right there.

And my favorite character, Lex Luthor. His brand of crazy definitely worked. His delivery during his interactions with Clark and Bruce at the party were spot on, and his rant to Superman about God was, for me, probably the high point of the movie. His machinations notwithstanding, his motivations were clear. He felt betrayed by God, so when a new one appears, he wants to take that one down a peg.

And I also liked Doomsday. I've seen some complaints about his interpretation, but let me lay out what I know about him from the Death of Superman story: He's a freak who, upon dying, comes back stronger than before. Usually with more bony protrusions. And in so doing, after being defeated, he comes back and kills Superman. This was pretty accurate if you want him to be a villain at the end. Rather than dying, it's just serious injury that rejuvinates him. Might be a poor choice for placement, but he killed Superman and regenerated. Pretty accurate where it counts.

The man definitely needs to do some Demon-scaping [4]

So, let's move on to some of the issues.

The opening scene might have been stomach-able if we hadn't seen that exact scene over half a dozen times already (in the past 2 decades). It's ridiculous. You could have easily just had Bruce visiting his parents' graves if you wanted to hammer in the Martha name. It was a waste of screen time. And the pearls. Maybe interesting imagery, but it took way too long to move through that scene.

And what the fuck was happening when Bruce levitated? Why? Why was that in there? What possible purpose did that serve?

Is this it? [5]

Clark and Lois had absolutely no chemistry. Every scene with them was pretty cringe worthy. And what about that tub sex? Surely superman would kill Lois. No joke. There's no way they can have sex. That bothers me. 

But aside from the sex, I think the writing for their scenes was just bad. Like, was it a different writer for the Bruce/Alfred scenes? They had great chemistry, those were entertaining and meaningful, whereas Lois/Clark made me want to vomit.

A whole lot of the music was goofy too. Like, those long extended bass notes at the end of probably half the scenes? We don't need that every time! This movie would be at least 10% better without all that stupid musical cue parade. We know it's a tense shot. We don't need your Dubstep machine to remind us.

The big BvS fight was terrible, in general. I mentioned that I liked Superman appealing to Bruce right away. But it was completely out of character for Batman to fight him anyway. Wouldn't you listen to what he has to say? In most iterations that I like, Batman views Superman as an idiot. Wouldn't you let him spout nonsense so you have more time to prepare? Or let him admit to some secret vulnerability? Use your head.

No more time for logic, it's time for a fight scene! [6]

And then there's what I think is the worst scene in the movie. Superman arrives and calls Batman "Bruce". Now, it's obviously how Clark knows that, he watched Bruce snooping earlier and he can always use his x-ray vision. But Bruce didn't react. He didn't flinch. That his most heavily guarded secret. That's his life! And he didn't even bat (hehe) an eyelash when Superman revealed that he knew. Totally wrong. At least have him react with a "Fuck you for stealing my identity you alien!" And that would have fixed the previous problem too. The only way Batman should ever lose his cool is if he feels so immensely threatened that he has to act without thinking. And I feel like the only trigger for that is his secret identity.

Now, the second worst part: all the stupid lead-ins for the Justice League. We have that stupid flash-forward dream. Darkseid huzzah! But was Superman working for him? Was that the Flash that was time travelling? No one has seen that Flash yet, how is anyone supposed to know what the fuck that was? And then there were the files on the League members. If this was a sensible movie (like a Marvel movie, perhaps) we would have seen the names and symbols and it would have been a nice nod. But no. This movie bashes you over the head with it for several minutes while Wonder Woman watches their cameo shots. Individually. As if looking at the viewer and saying "Hey look, we have a universe too!"

I don't mean to be rude, Jason, one cares [7]

And Lex Luthor's rant at the end! Now, in retrospect, and with that newly released deleted scene where he's communing with an alien, that makes a bit of sense. He got info from the Kryptonian ship, so he knows about Darkseid. But even if it made sense (and I'm not committing to that), was it necessary? No.

And let's talk about the final scene. It would be easy to explain away Clark Kent's body being vaporized in the fight. What about Superman's body? Where did it go? Why in actual fuck would he be buried in Clark Kent's coffin? Who explained that to the media? My brother suggested that perhaps Bruce Wayne pulled some Billionaire strings to that Superman could be buried under his "secret identity". Maybe. But that was not explained or mentioned. Why not just bury Superman? Surely someone in Washington knew the casket was empty. And surely that person was suspicious. 

And why even bother explaining it? Because they had that coffin shake reveal at the end. It's a nice nod to the source material (once again, no spoilers for that, just read or watch it), but unnecessary. Oh yeah, Superman isn't going to be in the universe we just created. Or in his own sequel. No one on the planet saw that scene and thought he was dead for good. No one. Ever. And then why ever bother? Maybe his death is why the Justice League forms, as was suggested in the movie, so I guess that kind of works. But surely if Darkseid arrived they'd want to find the rest anyway. We don't need Superman's "Death". Ever.

I almost made a tasteless joke here...Let's just move on [8]

Okay, I'm definitely out of rant juice. Comment and rant back if you want to yell about how wrong I am, or also feel free to loudly agree.

Until next time,


Images as sourced

No comments :

Post a Comment