Friday, October 9, 2015

The Plot of Fantastic Four 2 (The Sequel to the new one, not that Silver Surfer nonsense)

Hi Everybody!

Earlier this year I published my proposed plot for Transformers 5.

While I have yet to receive my check from Michael Bay, I thought I'd throw my hat into the ring once more to describe what will happen in another inevitable sequel:

Fantastic Four 2: Fox Wants To Keep The Rights.

Once again, spoilers follow, but if you're going to complain about spoilers for a movie that literally no one saw by choice, I really can't help you...

The movie opens with a flashback to Reed Richards as a child (with a different actor than the first movie), where he is developing a retcon device that will reset the world somehow. Flash forward 20 years where he's now working on the machine, with no explanation about why it never came up in the first movie.

Reed is trying to retcon Ben Grimm's Thinginess, because a Fantastic Four movie wouldn't be complete without The Thing angsting about his Cheeto skin.

Daaaaangerously psychotic...

Meanwhile (and those words are written on the screen in white lettering), it's revealed that Dr. Doom never truly died, he was actually alive in that weird WTF world (legal name) and he's been biding his time to come back to Earth so he can be in more than 5 minutes of the movie.

Meanwhiler (text on screen again), the human torch is now played by Chris Evans in blackface. He's being a douchebag with his fire person powers, and some footage is recycled from the two FF movies from the early 2000s because Fox is really phoning it again this time. He gets a call from Sue Storm saying he needs to come by the team headquarters to get fitted for a new flaming cod piece.

At some point there's an evil guy who may or may not have superpowers, but mostly he just has sunglasses. He wants to hire the Fantastic Four to be his private security team. They accept because the script says they have to, and it turns out he's Doctor Doom because there are literally no other famous Fantastic Four villains.

Pictured: 2 Molemans (Molemen?)

After the audience knows it's the Doom man himself (he calls himself that 13 times throughout the movie, starting passionately at the camera every time), the Fantastic Four still don't realize, so they keep using powers and doing stuff that's never really explained, but it's done in a montage so no one will notice.

There's a big reveal where Johnny Storm seeing Doom putting his face on or something, and none of the rest of the team believes him until they hear Doom say "You're all DOOOOOMED".

At which point the director walks into frame and apologizes.

Roll credits.

But it's a fake!

After the fake credits, there's a big battle where it looks like Reed Richards dies, but it's actually just him getting brutally maimed. The battle last for 45 seconds and then there's a few minutes of story cleanup where they all agree Doom is actually dead and they finally realize the power of friendship.

Until next time,


Images courtesy of Wikipedia

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