Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Ryviewing the Headlines

Every now and then I have a day where I don't particularly feel like reading news. But that doesn't stop me from obsessively checking the pages to browse the article titles. And sometimes those titles are too goofy/stupid/insane/laughable/WTF-able to ignore.

Source: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iHNVILjyWmc/UeGXedL8hZI/AAAAAAAAGJw/W79Do9UI-VA/s1600/stupid+headline.jpg

So in a new feature called "Ryviewing the Headlines" I'll be taking a look at some astonishing headlines and talking about them, despite not reading a single one of the actual articles.

Goat Simulator Selling Absurdly Well on iOS and Android

I guess it's to be expected, although I don't really see why it would be news then. To be fair, it's a game about a goat. And there's also a jetpack. That's pretty much as much information as you need. I feel like a better headline would be "Why are people so obsessed with licking cars?"

The Challenges of Letting You Be a Fat Video Game Hero

Is that a thing? I can't really think of many fat video game heroes. Mario? Is he fat? He's kind of portly. Bowser is definitely much more obese, but he's never the hero. There are definitely fat characters in GTA style games, and the player can make his avatar a pretty large fellow, but that won't affect the actual gameplay (although the hardcore role player will spend a lot more time at Freckle Bitches with that character).

A Trio of Super Smash Bros TV Ads Settle Everyday Disputes

I don't really think a game about cartoons mutilating each other should be the answer to anything, but I can see why this article has the nice "irony, huh?" title. And I suppose if the everyday dispute is "We can't decide who's better at mutilating other cartoons" then it's a valid decision maker. Otherwise, I really think it's just a strange ad campaign that thought they were putting out the video game "Guinness Book of World Records".

Former New York Mayor Giuliani Explains Why Noriega's Call of Duty Lawsuit is 'Absurd'

Apparently Noriega's lawsuit is based around the sales of Goat Simulator.

Happy Birthday Nintendo! Company Turns 125

I didn't know a video game company could exist for so long. Mario looks good for supporting a whole company for 125 years. Having actually heard about this yesterday (I know, I'm cheating about the whole not reading the article thing, but it was my rule, so whatevs) I know that nintendo started out doing other things. I can't remember what those other things were, and I steadfastly refuse to look it up until after I've published this article, but I can only assume they started out as a plumbing company with a drug problem.

Read the articles and let me know how far off I am!

Until next time,


Images Courtesy of Wikipedia

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