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Monday, April 17, 2017

Idling With A Twist of Sim City - Bit City Ryview

Bit City, by NimbleBit.


I started playing Bit City because an io9 article told me to. It's not my proudest moment, but I can say that it's a fairly enjoyable way to spend your time tapping.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Archer Season 8 Episode 1: No Good Deed Ryview

Hi Everybody!

Archer is back!

And so am I!

After a month of absence (sorry about that, single reader), I'm proud to announce my triumphant return to writing articles (and making videos!!1!) that no one will watch or read. Except for you, apparently...

At any rate, true to form with my usual off-topicness, my return article is a ryview of a tv episode (it's like a game, except, well, it's nothing like a game).

So enjoy...


Archer Season 8, Episode 1: No Good Deed


WARNING: The following post will contains mild spoilers for the previous season on Archer, so if you haven't watched season 7, go to your shame corner and turn on netflix. I will avoid spoiling *almost* anything from Season 8.


Tuesday, February 28, 2017

The Plot for The Batman (2018(?) Movie)

Hi Everybody!

Usually my "The Plot for" articles are entirely parody and/or humor. In this case, I actually wanted to have a serious discussion with all of you about how this movie needs to go.

"This movie needs all the help it can get" - Ben Affleck, probably, when he abandoned directing it [1]

Let's start with a few facts/opinions/rumors:

1) Regardless of any behind the scenes shenanigans going on right now, it still looks like Batfleck (probably) will be facing off against DeathJoe (Deathstroke played by Joe Manganiello, official cute mashup name in progress).

2) It was heavily implied during BvS:DoJ (because fuck the full title) that the Joker had already killed Jason Todd. This is also probable given the film's numerous references and homages to The Dark Knight Returns, which featured a Batman who retired due to Jason's death.

3) There is apparently a Nightwing movie in production, which helps solidify the probably theory that Robin as Dick Grayson has come and gone.

Now, I know what you're thinking: I spent 2 minutes reading that pile of facts? What have you done for me lately?

Shut up and buckle in.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Ryviews in Real Life - The Oakland Zoo

Hi Everybody!


I recently went to the Oakland Zoo for the first time. The only thing I saw on Yelp reviews beforehand was that it was small for a city of this size. I thought "hey, I have a free day. Let's check it out!"

Well, let me tell you...


It's small for a city of this size.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

I Expected A Trainwreck - XXX: Return of Xander Cage Ryview

XXX: Return of Xander Cage, directed by D. J. Caruso.


First off, I want to clarify: I saw this movie expecting a trainwreck. What I got was both pointlessly stupid and stupidy pointless. It was a cliched pile of lines and action. Yet it might have been the best movie I've seen in a long time.

To surge through this oxymoron, you have to look at some basic facts about the movie. Almost every character seemed to be playing a parody of their own role. There was literally a "that's what she said" joke in the middle. And at the end I was more than a little surprised that they didn't ride off into the sunset.

That being said, the movie was very self aware. There were little title cards for most of the characters as they first appeared with humorous little facts. And several action scenes were highlighted by comedic moments, showcasing that everyone involved (or at least most) knew what they were getting into to.

The plot was predictable and silly, but I found myself not caring. Watching Vin Diesel and Donnie Yen kick ass around the world was pretty satisfying. And while there was a little too much female fawning over Mr. Vin (and all while wearing the world's shortiest skirts like Single Female Lawyer), the cast was actually impressively diverse both in gender and nationality.

Eye candy AND ass kicking female roles (complex movie) [2]

The action was entertaining. There was a lot of nice gunfights, some good hand to hand combat, a few nice set pieces and extreme sport-like acrobats, and enough over the top machismo to blow a hole in someone's head.

As a total movie package, if you approach this as an exciting romp with which to eat popcorn and giggle, this is a wonderful delivery mechanism. If you're looking for a deep, thoughtful, meaningful, or intelligent moviegoing experience, you should probably look elsewhere. But honestly, I think everyone knows what this movie is going to be going into it. And for what it was, it excelled with flying colors.

Until next time,

Ryan